everything has changed. everything.




i want to
i want to be someone else or i'll explode
floating upon this surface for the birds
the birds
the birds

you want me?
fucking well come and find me
i'll be waiting
with a gun and a pack of sandwiches
and nothing
nothing
nothing
nothing

you want me?
well come on and break the door down
you want me?
fucking come on and break the door down
i'm ready
i'm ready
i'm ready
i'm ready
i'm ready
i'm ready

in or out

new town, new car, new life.

its becoming more and more apparent the intense transferrence that is occuring right now in my very own world.
but for the first time, i am doing something for me, something that makes me happy despite all the bullshit people are feeding me.

im going to say this only once, once you leave, you're gone
this makes me happy and whether any of you agree or not i could give a fuck.
be happy for what makes me happy.
if you cant, then so long.

manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.dapression.manic.depression.mani.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.manic.depression.


knock knock.
who's there?

you're feelin' stony, you're feelin' phony, you're not the only ...

the second time around rapes the first with no vaseline

iv'e been re-reading a lot of my old posts lately and for the concern of the past questions:

it can be done
love can be conquered
and once it has
the best love of all comes along.


everyone will be ok. as long as they are ok with themselves.
im ok.
with me.
with this hellhole
and with finally being able to accept and appreciate love and not push it away.

i'll be ok, and we'll be just fine.

fall be kind

for going on two days now i have spent my time in the room with the one person who makes the world feel just a little bit smaller and a little less scary.

i am spending my hours drinking two buck chuck, watching jacob fiddle with the guitar (and coming up with some really great shit) while i am finally able to relax and write poem after poem.

wine. green. music. poetry.
i could get used to this.

everything has been so hectic lately but it all seems to be falling into place, and i use that term very loosely.

"this too shall pass" .... not if i can help it.

ps. NEW ANIMAL COLLECTIVE ..... so fucking fucking fucking fuck of a good EP

insanity

first they say im anxious, no, depressed, uh oh sorry bipolar ...

um could you fucking let me know already!?

god damn therapists
can't live with 'em but can't .. well ... without them i'd be dead.

angular anger

i wanna lie, i wanna cry, i wanna diiieeeeee

metaphorically speaking of course.
because if we were to disect that phrase we would know i am too good at lying, incapable of crying, and walking like a fucking zombie after all these medications.

my purse fell open at the grocery store, and aallll my pills thus runneth over.
after the dirty looks from the the judgemental conservatives to my left and the bible thumpers to my right i gather my assortment of pills, make an irrational completely false outlandish comment about being pregnant, walk out the door, and light a cig.
the looks on their faces were priceless.
i swear people ask for controversy and i am more than willing to hand it over on a silver platter.

this game is getting real old real fast buddy.
you're so goddamn obsessed with yourself
no one warned you about me.

can't you see what you've done to my heart and soul?

this is a wasteland now

contradict me again and i will break your heart.